#TeamNoExcuses2014

So my friend Joey started #TeamNoExcuses with a year and I feel like 2014 will be that year for me. I need to flip to a new page in the book of my life, a new chapter and the new beginning of a part of my life. Ever couple of years I get in a rut and since I am turning 30 this year, I figure it is the perfect time to really get into gear.

I quit my job, I need to lose quite a bit of weight, and I need to finish my thesis and get a new job: not necessarily in that order. I moved this past year, into a much better living situation, sin mice. Thank God!  So I am going to take the bull by the horn, and all those other cliches and take back my life.  I need to say that I have taken control of my life. I want to say that I started paying my debt down, and that I am not buying unnecessary things, especially clothes. 

I am in control of my own life!

New Chapter... a brand new chapter

So I worked at this one company for 5 years.  I have enjoyed working there.  I love my customers and my discount.  I have had a blast working at some many different stores with so many different people.  Some of my best friends have come out of this company, and I quit on Monday.  I had to get out of there as I was going no where.  I was stuck.  And I can not get stuck.  My life has been stalled for about a year.  I need to finish my thesis.  I need to get a new job, and I hate to say it, but the holiday season is probably a good time to find a new job, at least a part time one.  But at least my dad usually gives me a check for Christmas.  If it wasn't for that, I think I would be so much more worried.  I hate to say that, but its true. 

Please God, help me get through this and help me to start this new chapter in my life.  Thank you for all that you have given me thus far in my life.  Thank you for my family and my friends, I truly am blessed but please help me through this time.

A New Chapter

A new chapter in my life is beginning. I can feel it.  Or maybe it is that I want a new chapter in my life to begin.  I feel as if I have just been coasting the last 3 years since I started my Master's degree. I started that new chapter and was all excited to move to a new city and start a life for myself.  I then worked really hard for about a year and a half and now the last 18 months I have been coasting along.  I have not looked for many new jobs even though I said I was going to.  I said I was going to finish my thesis and as you can see that did not happen.

I think I needed a kick in the butt.  I do not really know what I would like to do with my life but there are a few ideas that I have.  I think I would be a great event planner, or some people say I have the personality to be on HGTV.  There are all of these possibilities out there that I just need to put myself out there for.  I just have to take a chance.

It is scary though, I would have to say.  There are so many ways to fail but no pain no gain right?  I have dreams of myself having a family one day and living and working and loving my life.  Right now I am not there, but I have time.  At least we always think we do.  With the events of yesterday at the Navy Yard in DC, it just shows us that we are mortal even though we sometimes think we are not.  We have to live for each day and live life to the fullest. 



"Hold fast to your dreams? Within your heart keep one still, secret spot where dreams may go, and, sheltered so, may thrive and grow, where doubt and dear are not, O keep a place apart, within your heart, for little dreams to go!

We see so many ugly things-- Deceits and wrongs and quarrelings; We know, alas! we know, how quickly fade, the color in the west, the bloom upon the flower, the bloom upon the breast, and youth's blind hour.  A place apart where little dreams may go, may thrive and grow. Hold fast -- hold fast your dreams!"

-- Louise Driscoll

Vacation and a Move

So August was a very busy month for me.  I moved into a new apartment with my best friend Meghan, I went on vacation with my 3 sisters, and I started up classes again to finish my thesis.  So my life is a little hectic right now, but I will still continue to post and blog whenever I can. 

So I moved less than two miles away from my old house.  I liked living there but here is better.  I don't have to deal with a roommate that likes to steal my stuff, just one that wants to borrow my clothes.  I do not have to deal with mice in the house, or flooding in the basement, or trekking down to the basement to do my laundry.  I have now have an apartment that has cable, and a washing machine on the same floor!  It might have extra furniture in it, and that is ok, but we are working on making it a great, adult place to live.  Who knew?

Anyway, my vacation with my sisters was to England and Scotland.  Let us just say that is was AMAZING!  We traveled all over the island and stayed in two different castles, and in an abbey.  We saw some amazing things and I did not want to come back.  I will give a much more detailed description of the trip when I get all of my pictures from my sister next month.  I took so many that I had to unload my card onto my sister's computer every other night! 

So when I returned stateside, I found out my store manager is leaving again.  She is getting transferred to a different store, which is a promotion for her and closer to her home.  But this leaves me again with no store manager, even though she is overseeing it still.  Its kind of annoying having her do the schedule though, just because of the fact she is not in the box.  But what can I do?  I know they will never give me the store.

And that leaves me with starting my thesis all over again.  Well maybe a quarter started.  I really need to finish it, and then get out of here.  I want to go places and find what I want to do with my life.  There is no stopping me at this point.  I will get it done and I will finish my thesis and achieve my master's degree.  I just need to make myself a calendar and follow it.  This means I will have my work cut out for me, but I will get it done!

Wish me luck!

Keep believing in Yourself...

"Every goal that has ever been reached began with just one step -- and the belief that it could be attained. When the road becomes hard to travel and it feels as if you'll never reach the end... look deep inside your heart and you will find the strength you never knew you had.  Believe in yourself -- and remember that dreams reall can come true." - Jason Blume

You would be so proud... I avoided a cliche!

This past weekend, I went up to Maryland to be a part of my friends' G and J's wedding.  It was a great weekend.  I was one of the four bridesmaids.  I went up on Saturday, where I met a few of the boys (the groom and 2 groomsmen) for a few drinks before the rehearsal.  This is when I noticed and started talking to the best man, C.  He seemed a little shy around new people but very verbose around those he has known for a while.  He is sort of my type, if you can tell I do not really have one. I am equal opportunity. Having said that, I usually like men who are taller than I am (5'8.5") and a little bit stocky.  I also tend to like guys with a little scruff.  Now that does not mean I won't date anyone who looks otherwise, but that is just the type of guy I am usually attracted to.

Ok, going on a slight tangent.  We went out after the reception to a bar and mmm mmm, there was this security guy who must have been about 6'3" or 6'4" and he was built and kind of cute.  I really wanted to go out and talk, but damn, he lives in MD, and I am not driving over an hour to see anyone anymore.  I did that before, and that is a story for another day.

Back to the original story.  So we had the rehearsal and then us girls had a girls night.  Nothing too extravagant, but some champagne, silly hats and some great conversation.  I slept with the bride that night as I did not get a hotel room.  Everything was way out of my price range for a one night stay.  Anyway, we woke up, I drove G to her hair and nail appointment and I took a bath.  Now I have not taken a bath in a very long time.  It was great to just sit and relax in some nice hot water.  Trying to keep the bride sane sometimes can stress a person out.  I then did my hair, and waited for the rest of the ladies to come to the room to do our makeup.  We our course had more champagne.  I think I had more of it this weekend than I did at my own sister's wedding, of course I was technically underage then, but oh well.  Anyway, we, the bridesmaids got dressed and all ready and we all ventured to the limo.

With more champagne waiting, we had some great times and arrived at the mansion.  We got the bride in her dress and she looked fantastic.  So again, the ceremony was short and sweet, but very hot and humid.  Thank god for an updo.  And more drinking and dancing ensued after the pictures.  I know this is a very convoluted story so I am trying to get to the point.  With the reception over, we all climbed into an even bigger limo (it was awesome) and went back to the hotel. Since I had stayed with the bride the night before, I ran into the room to get my things so I would be out of G and J's hair asap.  Funny thing is, they kept saying that no one realized they just got married and wanted some alone time, except me, so I was able to stay and hang out.  I just found that amusing.

This is where the fun part of the story begins.  So I was planning on just driving home so I had stopped drinking a while back at this point.  I think I was also getting heat exhaustion so I just needed to hydrate. G and J were adamant that I should come out with everyone and have some fun, so they volunteered C's pull out for me to sleep on.  I was fine with that. I was able to go out and have some more fun before the weekend was over and that was just fine with me.  We went out and that is when I saw that hunky security dude, but oh well. The time has passed. 

As we were all going back to the hotel, we had another friend, A who also needed a place to crash.  So many places were volunteered including C's room as well.  SO FUNNY!  One woman, L and her boyfriend S were kind of not on the same page for letting someone else sleep in their room.  L said it was fine and S was pretty much giving me the eye saying please do not take her up on that offer.  And then S was making jokes about A sleeping on the pull out and C and I staying in the bed. 

This is where the really cliche part begins.  C and I walk back to his place where I help him make up the pull out, which is where the groom slept the night before.  Then A finally shows up and plops down on the pull out and then we say, no honey, go to sleep on the bed.  Mind you, she was very, very drunk, having had sex with the groom's brother in the mansion's bathroom.  Yeah, it was that type of party.  So A went and passed out on the bed, and C and I played cards for a few hours.  We talked, he drank, and then we both decided that we were tired.  At this point we had been flirting enough and giving those 'looks' for him to ask me to sleep with him.  I had just about fallen asleep when he comes into the bedroom and asks. 

I say sure.  We can sleep together, and cuddle.  I had already taken off my bra and skirt so I was in a t-shirt and my underwear.  We were spooning cuddling when he started pawing my breasts.  I kept telling him gentle.  I think he was just too drunk and had not had any sex in a while.  Let's just say that he was excited.  He kept nibbling on my ear and I just kept telling him I would not have sex with him.  It was a should, not a want.  He lives in Mississippi, and I live in Virginia.  Now mind you as we had talked earlier, I was getting to know him, and he is also my type, the intellectual part.  Geeky and smart, kind of shy.  So I am not sure if this was the best idea, but since I was supposed to be sleeping with A, I got up a little early and went back to the bed.  I think he thought that as an insult. 

Oh well, at least a bridesmaid did not have sex with a groomsmen that was not already married.  Almost, but I could almost guarantee that he did not have protection and even though I am covered for pregnancy, I would rather not get a nasty surprise the next time I get tested.  So I turned down the cliche even though I really did not want to.  This guy just seemed like he needs a woman.  Someone to share his life with and it would be better.  He pretty much admitted to being an alcoholic, drinking by himself most nights.  Why is it that the men I start to like are always unavailable to me?  Seriously, it is becoming very frustrating.  

Well that was my weekend excursion.  I hope you found it as entertaining as I did, truncated of course.

Happy Independence Day!

 

Happy 4th of July!  I hope that you see some good fireworks and have some fun times with friends.  Always remember the sacrifices that have been made so that we may enjoy our freedoms.  Thank a veteran or active military.  Exercise one of your rights given to you by the Constitution of the United States of America.  

And I'm proud to be an American,

Where at least I know I'm free.

And I won't forget the men who died,

Who gave that right to me.

I'll gladly stand up,

Next to you,

And defend her still today,

'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,

God Bless the U.S.A.

 

Drama, Drama, Drama: My life the soap opera.

I am a terrible person.  At least sometimes I can be.  Last night I was talking with a man that I had dated earlier this year.  A man that I found out is married.  See, I told you that my life is a soap opera!  And it gets even worse, I found out by meeting her!  This man, was injured and the cut on his back got infected.  Now being the good girlfriend that I am, I found out what hospital he was in and went to visit, even though he said he did not want me to, and never told me what hospital he was admitted to.  Mind you, he was the one who pushed us to make it "official" and be in a relationship. 

Well, to make a long story short (too late), I went to visit him and 20 minutes after I get there, his wife shows up.  Yeah, that really happened.  He told me she was his roommate, and I did not actually find out until the doctor started calling her Mrs.  Hmm.  I can hear what you are thinking, how did I let this happen to myself?  Well he was with me so much, that I figured there was not way he could be seeing someone else.  He was with me almost every night of the week.  I had met his friends, and he had met mine.  We spent New Year's Eve together.  We went out on dates in his town as well as mine! 

Anyway, I talked with him (we shall name him Married man, or #3) yesterday.  I know, I know.  He is still on the list and has a number.  I hate to say it, but it is the best sex of my life!  That is hard to give up.  But alas, we talked last night and I saw him today.  I was doing so good too.  We had not seen each other in over a month, and had not really talked much either.  After I found out that he is married, we went through this big fight where I was not talking with him (which I should have just continued), but I have a soft spot and let people have entirely too many chances with me.  Ugh, sometimes I feel I need to stop that. 

So we met up about 2 weeks after I found out and talked.  That was not however, until after his friends rolled on him once they found out I knew he is married.  Oh his friends were hilarious.  Warning me against him, and telling him he will never be loyal to a woman.  I think they are right.  The only reason I see him now is to still have the best sex of my life, and to use him for all he is willing to give.  He wants to cook for me and take me places, I will take that!  He wants to fly me to Bermuda for a weekend, I will take that!  So he is still in the picture even though I know he is married.  I am not proud of that fact, but his wife, really should have known better.  She was the other woman in his last marriage. 

Yep, I said it, his last marriage.  He is on his third marriage and has since proposed to me.  He still tells me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.  I wonder how many women he has said that to.  I am serious.  I really am curious as to that number.  So that is why I am sometimes a terrible person.  Mind you, I fell hard and fast for this guy, but I think that was because he actually treated me well.  I have never really been in a relationship were the guy really paid attention or wanted to take me out and give me gifts.  I have had some suck-tastic boyfriends, right? 

Wow have I digressed onto a tangent.  Not really that bad, but a little.  What I wanted to share was that the reason that I went there today, is that; one, I missed him (even though I should not), two, because I have not had good sex in a while, and three, because I am scared I am going to lose my job. 

This is the second part to my post today.  One of my co-workers and friends, we shall call her C, left the company I work for today.  She was suspended as of yesterday and we were told today that she no longer works for the company.  I am not sure if that means C quit, or if she was fired.  She and I were the only two people really holding that store together during the holiday season and afterwards.  I came back full time right before Christmas and she became full time after the new year.  We did not have a store manager from October until about 2 weeks ago.  Yeah, that also really happened.  A clothing retail store with no store manager during the holiday season.  I do not know how I survived with my brain intact. 

So now I am worried about my job.  I am about to move into a better and more expensive apartment and I am going on vacation August.  I cannot afford to lose my job right now.  Oh, and C still owes me $500.  I have a feeling I will never see that money again.  This stress is making me go grey before my time.  Thank God for hair dye.  I have never stolen from the company, and I did the best I could with what I was given.  I am still looking for a new job and have been for a while.  As I stated earlier, I am moving to a more expensive apartment, so therefore I def need more money... (Spaceballs II: the search for more money), but that is many people's songs.  Always need more money, because who really wants less, right?  Well, I hope you enjoyed this night's entertainment, and I hope that you had a better day than I day than I did!

Why do men feel the need to lie?

Seriously, I do not understand men sometimes.  I know that they think the same about us women, but sometimes, probably more accurate is rarely, I feel like I understand them.

My previous #1, said all of these nice things, such as that he wanted to take me off the market eventually.  Also I met his father, and spent a good deal of time with him, even after we had done the deed.  And then when I mentioned going out with other men, he got all pissy.  And I mean pissy.  I was upfront, from the beginning saying that I was dating other people, and I had told him I was going to see a movie with someone else.  It could have just been a girl friend of mine but I wanted to be honest.  Well, he got pissy, blamed his being distant on something else that was going on in his life and did not talk to me very often for about 3 week.

Needless to say, I found out that he started dating my BOSS!  He had made up this terrible excuse about meeting her in a bank a while ago, which is probably when he started talking to her on Plenty of Fish (PoF). Well that was the end to that... except he still had my iPod.  I had been asking him for it for month.  I had his, since he asked me to put different music on it, and he was using mine.  Well, we saw each other one last time, exchanged iPods and had one last fling before I do not talk to him ever again.  I hate to say that I did that, but this is my blog so I can say whatever I want, right? So we had one last tryst, and it was probably the best we have had, since we had started dating.

Anyway, so this drops my number down and also brings my number up at the same time.  I have reactivated my profile on PoF and am having some luck talking with some new men, and also some boys.  I seem to attract young men, more than I feel I should at my age, but oh well.  I will have fun.  This is a great site for getting back into the sea with respect to dating.  In fact a couple guys I was seeing months ago, found me again and we have reconnected. 

There are a lot of people on this site and they have all sorts of wants, needs and likes.  I am a plus sized woman, I am self confident, and I am happy (most of the time).  I have a great family, and good friends.  I have a job, which is better than some, and I enjoy my job most of the time which is better than most.  So It is not that I am complaining, its just I wish I understood what I need to keep doing to move forward in my life.I feel like I am meant for more than what is in my life right now.  I guess most people feel that at some point in their life, but knowing my family and especially my father, he expects it.  But that is another post for another day.  So until then, there are many more fish in the sea which is why I am on Plenty of Fish!

Men... The other white meat?

Men... Sex... Romance. What to do?

 I was in a long term long distance relationship a couple of years ago when I still lived in Massachusetts. When I moved to VA, our relationship fell apart and since then I have been dating. A lot. 

Since that time I have dated many men, and I'm still working on finding out what I actually want in a man. At the moment I am dating 5 different men with a honorary 6th. I have a ranking system and my friends know them as numbers instead of their names. 

And as we go along I will be sharing with you dates and anecdotes about my life. Last night I went out on a date with #2. He is tall, dark haired and a nerdy type like me. He has two children with the same mother but never got married. I'm not anyone to scoff at that, just giving a background. 

Anyway, we went to go see Fast 6 last night. It was good, a few twist and turns that I was not expecting which is refreshing. But #2 was distracting me during the movie. He was track this fingers lightly on the inside if my wrist. On man it was hot. But that just made me frustrated and then I couldn't sleep when I got home last night. 

#2 and I go through periods where we talk or see each other every day then go for a week or so where we don't talk much. I will say I love hearing him talk. He has a low and a little country voice. 

So that is my story for the day. And thank you for peeking into Cusper's closet!

Greetings!

Hello and Welcome!


My name is Stephanie and I am a 29 year old female who has many things in my life that I want to share.  I started out at 319 lbs and am already down to 313 lbs.  I am going to blog about my life, the choice to become healthier, and about tricks and things that I find along the way. 

The reason that I am really starting this blog is because the weight loss started by my friend, Meghan.  She bet me a nice gift that I could not lose 30 pounds by the time I leave for Scotland.  I am leaving in the middle of August, so this is a very achievable goal.  So I am 6 lbs down so far.  One fifth of the way to go!

So I hope that you check out my blog and keep with it!